Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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