The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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