what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
