I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
