so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
