good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
