That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
