i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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