smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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