You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
