we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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