Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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