Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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