I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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