I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize