My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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