At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
