right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
