So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize