Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
