I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
