Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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