The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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