i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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