Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
