Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
