I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
