We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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