She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
