Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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