doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
