This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
