I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
