i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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