and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
