What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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