if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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