About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
