I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The struggles of a small town man whore
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
