There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
