my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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