You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
