I feel great
I just peed on a car
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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