I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
