i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize