I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
