I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
