I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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