worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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