it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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