grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
