she takes plan B like it's going out of style
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
