one two three fourrrrnication!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
