I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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