i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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