Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
