Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize