So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
