Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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