I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
