Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Randomize
