Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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