that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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