I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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