P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
