Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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