I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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